Dog’s ears twitched. He scratched and he yawned. He had been sleeping for four million, three hundred and twenty thousand years. During that time many dreams had entertained his unconsciousness. At the last second of his inordinately long sleep, a great vision filled his vast cranium. Synapses sparked and Dog awoke with a yelp of consciousness. Stars appeared. Because his loud howl had caused the stars to come into existence, Dog realized that he had the power to make anything he wished. He wagged his celestial tail.
And Dog said, (making it up as he went along):
“Let a great round fiery ball (which I will call the Sun) be thrown far into the sky to keep dogs warm, with a smaller ball (which I will call the Earth) to chase around the Sun, as a place for dogs to live. And let the sky of the Earth be blue because I like the color blue. And let the warmth from the Sun’s light strike the Earth, but unevenly so that black dogs can live comfortably near the equator without burning and white dogs can only go there for a vacation. And let a smaller light (which I will call the Moon) shine on the Earth when it gets dark, to give dogs something to bark at. But don’t allow the Moon to shine all the time, so dogs can rest their throats after barking too much.
“And let there be creatures other than dogs, because a world only full of dogs would be boring. So let there be cats and squirrels for dogs to chase. Let there be sea-swimming whales and tree-dwelling koalas. And make the whales look like fish but give them little legs inside their bodies to remind them that they were once the creation of dogs. And give the koalas pouches, which open downwards, so they will know that koalas are really seeing the world upside down and that dogs are always at the top.
“And let there be a great variety of trees so dogs have somewhere to pee and somewhere for cats and squirrels to run to.”
Dog’s brain was hurting but he carried on:
“And let there be Dog Walkers so that dogs have someone to pet them and throw balls for them and feed them. And give the Walkers bigger brains than dogs, so dogs don’t have to do all the thinking.”
Having suddenly been given his vastly superior brain power by Dog, Walker took over Dog’s creative streak:
“And let us make female Walkers, so that male Walkers are reminded when and where and how to walk dogs. And make females so that males have something to play with when they are not walking dogs. And let females come into the world expecting the males to be honest and let them be disappointed.
“And let us make the sexes appear really cute to each other but mutually incomprehensible.
“And let us make coupling between males and females the most desirable thing in the world, so that all may know jealousy and need, as well as desire. And let us make coupling really nice to do, so that young Walkers will get pregnant too early and have to struggle and be poor and break their parents hearts and increase the population to breaking point.
“And just for fun, let us make Walkers naked so that everyone will laugh at their wobbly bits so they have to invent a clothing industry that produces ridiculous new fashions every year. And let the clothes look good only on the thin Walkers.
“And let the next most desirable thing in the world be the hardest for most to obtain and let’s call it ‘money’.
“And let us reward the rich with money for getting richer and let the rich dominate the poor so the poor know it’s better to be rich.”
Walker was struggling. What could he invent next? He tried hard:
“And let Invisible Beings come into the world. Worshipful Invisible Beings who keep quiet and never reveal themselves.
“And let Walkers form into groups and show irrational allegiance to just one Invisible Being and not any of the other Invisible Beings, so that each side can be distracted from talking to each other and finding common ground.
“And let all the different groups believe that their Invisible Being is the only one that exists. And let each big group speak a different language as well to reinforce their differences and make communication almost impossible.
“And let the Invisible Beings have any power they choose, such as reading our thoughts or watching us in the bathroom.”
With the power newly invested in it, an Invisible Being took over the theme and began to invent the things that were missing from Dog’s World. Although it was silent, Dog thought he could hear the Invisible Being talking inside his head:
“And let there be floods and tsunamis that are hard to say and spell and let them occur in the middle of the night when people are sleeping or at mid-day on a sunny weekend when many are playing on the hot sand.
“And let the Earth quake along coasts where most Walkers live and let the earthquakes happen with no warning. And let everyone tremble to mimic the trembling of the Earth.
“And let there come diseases to irritate and dishearten. And let there be little diseases like Thrush and Athletes Foot. And middle-sized diseases which don’t kill but which debilitate slowly and give them names like Arthritis and Parkinson's. And let there be some really big diseases and call them Cancer and Dysentry and Cholera and make them killers.”
Dog was definitely getting irritated and disheartened with his Creation and his Creation’s Creation, and his Creation’s Creation’s Creation, but the Invisible Being grew more and more excited and more than a little carried away with itself. It continued nonetheless:
“And let ever larger groups of Walkers form together until they invent the means of their own destruction. And let them invent war so that the old can watch the young die for a change instead of the other way around.”
Dog sighed loudly. Just to show his irritation and disheartenment with Walker’s Invisible Being, Dog bit Walker to make the Invisible Being stop. Since Walker’s Invisible Being, was invisible and now silent, it was impossible to tell if it was there or not.
As Dog’s majestic universe began to grow and expand, he barked at the little light he had created and wished on the Moon and Stars that he had stopped with those.
Copyright: Robert Lovejoy